Following last year’s un-sexiest travel moments piece, I’ve decided to keep the funny valentines-themed posts going. This year’s theme: epically awful pickup lines. I had a great group of travellers supply me with their awful experiences, and a couple Casanovas who wanted to share their own go- to’s. Would you fall for any of these lines?
The Good: Charming Enough that it (might have) Worked
I was at a pub in Edinburgh, when a local guy around my age came and sat beside me. After chatting for a couple minutes he asked me to touch the sleeve of his sweater. Not sure what was going on, I did. Then he asked me what it felt like. I looked at him confused. The answer he gave me; Boyfriend Material.
-Hannah, Eat Sleep Breathe Travel
While taking pictures in Athens, Greece, “Are you a professional photographer? I can get you into the stadium after dark.” Somehow, that one actually worked.
-Hayley, Savvy Girl Travel
The Bad: What the Hell was He Thinking?
My favourite pick up line was in Sana’a Yemen in a hotel lift. This guy was like “sorry if I keep staring at you but you’re the first woman I’ve seen in a really, really long time, I’ve been working in the dessert. Would you like to go out?”
– Marissa, Mad Travel Diaries
Ready for this? In Spanish, he roughly said, “Hey girl, I really wish I was that coffee you’re drinking do I could touch your lips all morning!”
-Eileen, Pure Wander
“On a scale of 1 to America how free are you tonight?”
-Phyllis, Phyllis On The Map
“Didn’t I see you on Tinder?”
-Sara, This Girl Loves
I was in an expat bar in Kaohsiung, Taiwan, and is it happens it was the night I met my now husband and co-blogger Geoff. Geoff and I were chatting and getting to know each other when a completely random stranger walked directly up to me, asked me if I liked chocolate, and then proceeded to shove an unwrapped Hershey’s Kiss directly in my mouth before asking to buy me a drink. It was the strangest attempted pickup I’ve ever experienced, and we laugh about it until this day.
I think my all-time worst pick up line was, “Wouldn’t that dress look better on me?!” I was wearing a white skirt, with a black top…very obviously not a dress. I think I was going for a, “Wouldn’t that outfit look better on my floor?’ type of thing, but just totally botched the delivery.
Morgan, Beautiful View
“Do you want to share an order of pork rinds?” From the guy who sauntered up next to me at my hotel bar in New Orleans. And he was serious. Classic!
Jessica, The Belle Voyage
In the late 1970’s, I was at a Beverly Hills disco which was frequented by many Middle Easterners, who had been moving into the neighborhood in great numbers. One of them had been unsuccessful at gaining my interest (primarily because his eyes never left my chest), and his last ditch effort was “In my country, I have many goats!”
Betsy: Passing Thru
As my friends and I arrived in Switzerland, exhausted and slumped over our backpacks, a Swiss guy came up to us and seemed to be friendly. We had a quick conversation, which ended in him asking, “Are you American?” and we confirmed. He then gave us a smile, and said, “Oh, American girls. I knew you’d be easy, but will we have fun?” and winked.
While interning in France, a couple of my friends and I took a girls’ trip to Morocco in June 2013. Verbal sexual harassment there, especially in Marrakech, is rampant–it’s not uncommon for random men on the street to yell “Hey, sexy!” or “I like it!” or similar phrases. Anyway, one day we were walking in the main square, Jemaa el-Fnaa, when a man approached me and said, “How many camels for you?” He literally tried to buy me off the street so he could marry me! My friends and I just kept walking, and we honestly found it so much funnier than offensive.
Later that summer, in July 2013, I was visiting a friend in Tel Aviv. We went out to dinner with her friend and her friend’s roommate, who happened to be a guy. He added me on Facebook from across the table and messaged me to tell me that I’m cute, but that’s not even the real story here. There were pancakes on the menu, and as I’d been living in France all summer, I jumped at the opportunity to order them, even if it was dinnertime. I was in the middle of eating them and he grabbed a bite without asking me. I just looked at him and he said, “Don’t worry, I’ll make you more pancakes in the morning after you sleep over!” Spoiler alert: the sleepover didn’t happen.
– Chloe: Wanderlust in the Midwest
So on New Year’s eve I was out with a couple from my hostel, I was chatting to the girl, and this Russian lad walked up to her boyfriend, tapped him on the shoulder, pointed at his girlfriend and said, “I like her”. In spite of Markus explaining he was dating her, the guy kept saying, “I like her” to Markus. Without actually even talking to Caroline.
How Markus didn’t knock the guy out I’ll never know, but it was hilarious the next morning.
I thought it was a good idea to wear shorts and tank tops while in Italy only to suffer from excessive staring, whistling and “ciao bella”. I was so fed up and was working hard to try and ignore this. I was in Florence and a man behind me began yelling “Miss! Miss! You dropped something!” I whipped around, looking on the ground and then at the man “what? What did I drop..” He then got down on his knee and said, “my heart”. My sister still talks about the look of annoyance on my face.
Katie B, Ottawa
I forgot a bag when we (my boyfriend and I) dined at this certain restaurant in Antwerp, Belgium. We went back and as I was retrieving it, the guy said: “Maybe the next time you leave something with us, it would be your cell number?”
Aileen, I am Aileen
The Ugly: RUN AWAY NOW!
On a ferry in Greece: An older greasy man approaches me in hallway. He doesn’t speak very much English at all. He says to me: “You . . . me . . . sex?”
In the creepiest voice and accent! I ran away from him. *shudder*
-Alli , The Vintage Postcard
“I don’t have any other blankets or pillows. So if you don’t want to freeze you’ll have to sleep in my bed… with me.”
My CouchSurfing host in Spain had a few too many drinks which caused his sleeze factor to raise exponentially. Maybe wanna-be Rico Suave should have mentioned that to my friend and I on his profile? My friend and I crammed together on a tiny couch in the living room using towels as makeshift blankets while the creeper slept soundly on his bed alone. Let this be a lesson to you: never stay with someone who has no CouchSurfing reviews!
Chantae of www.chantae.com
Guy randomly walking by: I want you to lick me like you are licking that ice cream.
Bobbi : 1FunGrl Travels
The Romeos: From the Irresistible(?) Men on the Road
“I’m a travel photographer; wanna be my model of the day?” (works 1 out of 3 times).
“I’ll take you on a journey if you show me your wonders” (works 1 out of 10 times).
“Hi, I’m Raphael Alexander Zoren. Nice to meet you”. (Always works).
–Rachael Alexander Zoren, A Journey of Wonders
This is a confession of my misspent youth. When I would go to bar and try my luck at meeting a nice young lady. I tried many pick-up lines, mainly trying to be funny. One I will never forget and may have to bring back out again thinking about it now, is when I would walk up to a girl, look down at her cleavage, and say very seriously and slowly “wow, you have some of the biggest, most beautiful..” at this point I look into her eyes, “EYES I have ever seen”. What happened next is obvious…
-Alex, Finding the Freedom